You're Mad... Now What???

Free writing. It's my "ugly cry" on paper, my favorite part of the writing process. It gives you have permission to be messy. No worrying about sentence structure or grammar or punctuation or rambling. Your mission (should you choose to accept it) is to get the words out of your head and on the page. Period. 

Pretty has no place here.

Free writing allows the passionate thoughts racing in your mind to finally reach a destination. I love it, but in transparency it took some time for me to get comfortable with free writing this piece.

Christians don't talk much about anger in relation to God. I suspect for most of us it's out of respect or fear, and for that reason just the possibility of giving space to the topic made me anxious. But I knew I had to expose my thoughts soon or lose touch with what Heaven was prompting me to express. 

Sort of like prayer. 

Oh, by the way... are you being provoked to pray?  

What are you holding back from God?

As I prepared to write, I couldn't locate my favorite black pen, so in haste decided to use what was in close proximity. 

Red. 

When I came back days later to do a rewrite, what I saw overwhelmed me.  It looked like fire was flying off the page. Fragments and misspellings were everywhere. Words crossed out and replaced, and replaced again. 

My passion was obvious, but the content was barely legible. Even to me. 

Only one thought came to my mind...

Is that what praying in anger looks like to God?

And if so, is that okay?

Anger. It is our inarticulate pain birthed from suffering, but it can show up in different ways. The knot in your throat. The burning in your chest. The swelling in your spirit. Real anger is not reflected in the waterworks flowing down your face, but wades in the well of tears behind it.