Free writing. It's my "ugly cry" on paper, my favorite part of the writing process. It gives you have permission to be messy. No worrying about sentence structure or grammar or punctuation or rambling. Your mission (should you choose to accept it) is to get the words out of your head and on the page. Period.
Pretty has no place here.
Free writing allows the passionate thoughts racing in your mind to finally reach a destination. I love it, but in transparency it took some time for me to get comfortable with free writing this piece.
Christians don't talk much about anger in relation to God. I suspect for most of us it's out of respect or fear, and for that reason just the possibility of giving space to the topic made me anxious. But I knew I had to expose my thoughts soon or lose touch with what Heaven was prompting me to express.
Sort of like prayer.
Oh, by the way... are you being provoked to pray?
What are you holding back from God?
As I prepared to write, I couldn't locate my favorite black pen, so in haste decided to use what was in close proximity.
When I came back days later to do a rewrite, what I saw overwhelmed me. It looked like fire was flying off the page. Fragments and misspellings were everywhere. Words crossed out and replaced, and replaced again.
My passion was obvious, but the content was barely legible. Even to me.
Only one thought came to my mind...
Is that what praying in anger looks like to God?
And if so, is that okay?
Anger. It is our inarticulate pain birthed from suffering, but it can show up in different ways. The knot in your throat. The burning in your chest. The swelling in your spirit. Real anger is not reflected in the waterworks flowing down your face, but wades in the well of tears behind it.
And yet, our strategy for anger management is to run, run to who or we feel will let us express ourselves but provide no real solution. To use what is in close proximity. It's deciding "imma do me" with everybody BUT God as if He doesn't feel the steam coming our of ears.
Ask yourself; why aren't you running to God? Are you looking for peace or a platform?
What if the Master of the Universe is using your current circumstances
to force your faith to act?
Will you let the One who holds the whole world in his hand hold you?
Or is your anger holding you hostage?
Our devastation doesn't diminish His Divine. He's still God. He's still your God.
I don't know a better remedy than to "free write" or release your suffering at the Cross.
At the Cross, at the Cross.
Where I first saw the light,
And the burdens of my heart rolled away.
It was there by faith I received my sight,
and now I am happy all the day.
The lyrics to this old hymn takes on a whole new meaning when we look at 2020.
The Book of Job speaks of it like this:
But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. “He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. ~Job 36:15-16
Letting go and letting God doesn't mean you give up or give in. It doesn't mean you stop fighting for what is right. It doesn't mean the enemy wins. It means you believe there is NOTHING is too hard for God so intently that you won't hide ANYTHING from God.
To paraphrase a portion of King David's Psalms 23...
The Lord is YOUR shepherd, YOU lack nothing. He makes me YOU down in green pastures,
he leads YOU beside quiet waters, he refreshes YOUR soul.
Trust. God won't blink.
Your anger doesn't scare Him.
Recognize who He is.
Trust Him to be who He is.
Your frustration and despair will be in no greater hands than the Almighty's.
Whatever prompted your pain may not change today, but you can.
Release it. Quench the fire burning within you with the living water of Christ.
You mad? Mad at the world, or mad at God? Welcome to the beginning of better. Honesty with God can quench the fire, but reconciling with the Father is still a process. Next week, we go deeper.
Until then, I pray you start to feel the relief of letting go. In Jesus' name. Amen.
~ THEME for OCTOBER ~
A Million Ways to PRAY
Baby, it's time for some "God for Grown-Ups" - type stuff!
Join me all this month as we move beyond the excuses to go behind the veil and into an authentic relationship with God through prayer!
TALKING TO THE GOD YOU'RE MAD AT
Were you helped by today's blog? I want to know what you think. And if you were, share it with your friends and family (even your enemies, if you want). We want the world to know that sometimes, it's just gotta be GOD n ME!
In the meantime, take care. Be safe. Look like LOVE.
WRITER | MENTOR | TEACHER
LOVER OF CHOCOLATE |
PURPOSED TO EMPOWER |
30+ YEARS IN MINISTRY LEADERSHIP |
PREACHER OF THE GOSPEL
Phillipa also the Founder of ilooklikeLOVE, Inc., a 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Organization providing diaper assistance to families in need and opportunities for mothers to empower themselves.
Look for her upcoming book,
GOD n You: Finding Your Place in Forever.