I never thought I could feel so confined without a quarantine.
But I did.
A Strange Anxiety
For days, I tried to wrap my mind the strange anxiety from too much but too little happening in my life. Finally, I went to the Father about it.
"God, what is this?"
Pen in hand, I wrote these words:
"I've felt this way for a while. Will I ever stop feeling this way?"
"Was it better when you felt underwhelmed and overutilized?"
This revelation shined a bright light on my life. Turns out, I've always lived in one of two spaces; either underwhelmed and overutilized, or overwhelmed and underutilized.
What about you? Which one are you today?
To be underwhelmed but overutilized is to be busy with little benefit, to fill up your calendar with more work and less wonder. Quick to impress, but no impact. We can spend years investing into the expectations (or limitations) of the world and not produce any of God's fruit. Doing so creates a cycle of frustration and hesitation that will keep you dog tired and unfulfilled.
Dog tired. Unfulfilled. That was me.
If this is you, I implore you to seek the mind of Christ and make the shift. Don't be stubborn like I was and force God to back you into a corner for glory's sake. I've seen what trusting God can do. I hope you will, too.
Now, the underwhelm doesn't have me anymore, but overwhelm? Well...
And how does feeling underutilized at the same time even make sense?
I knew I couldn't be the only person feeling this way, so I wrote a prayer earlier this week asking God to help us all navigate this space. If you missed it, click here.
From "under" and "over to "over" and "under"... something shifts when God knows he can trust you.
Overwhelmed and underutilized is normal for those who are on the path of assignment. But why would God allow this strange mix of anxieties?
It's a reminder that his grace is sufficient.
Think about it.
When you feel like life is too much to bear, you know you need God.
When you feel as if you are not doing enough, you know you need God.
Being overwhelmed and underutilized is just where Christ needs for us to be.
There, we will fellowship in His suffering. We will call on Him in the midnight hour.
We cry on his shoulders and not care who sees.
We make his agenda our agenda.
Finally, finally, finally God can trust us to trust Him.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. ~ John 15:5-8, New International Version
Overwhelmed? Stay on the Vine.
Underutilized? Stay on the Vine.
If I have my choice between anxieties, I will chose this one every time because with Christ we are not quarantined but in a controlled environment.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~ Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Exhaustion hits different on assignment. We have sweet communion with the Holy Spirit. We can rest and be refreshed in sacred spaces. We can watch God expand the capacity of our gifts and take ownership of the anointing. But only if crucify the ambitions of our flesh and take up our Cross.
What is this? This is where you bear as much fruit as your trust in God will allow.
If you were blessed today, let me know in the comments or give us a heart!
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Know that I am praying for you and your journey.