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The Waiting is Worth It

Purpose is birthed in chaos, and it rarely comes quickly.

Wish I remembered that three years ago when I told God I was done.

At a Point of No Return?

For a solid year after finishing the book, I worked relentlessly to get it to the marketplace. Finally... after so much struggle... I decided I was done.

Every opportunity that opened up had dried up.

Every piece of funding that showed up, blowed up.

As bad as things were, there was one thing I still knew...

I was not crazy.

I was not losing my mind.

God gave me this.

The ink smeared with my tears as I wrote were my endorsement.

The peace I had about possible repercussions confirmed it.

I never asked for it, but it was what I needed to be free from my past and move into my future.

So why? Why give me a book I can't get published?

I asked the question before but with no response from Heaven this time, I wasn't waiting any more. I was done.

I expected to feel a great weight off my shoulders, but it was the complete opposite. Moments after making my decision, there was a heaviness on me I had never encountered. Not to be spooky-spiritual, but it terrified me. All I could say to myself is,

"What have you done?"

Somewhere You've Never Been nor Ever Want to Be

I will never be able to fully articulate what I felt in the moments and days after. I was somewhere in the spirit I had never been nor ever wanted to be. All I know is it felt like God had left me. Look... being in my feelings about the book was one thing, but God turning his back on me? Not an option.