The Waiting is Worth It
Purpose is birthed in chaos, and it rarely comes quickly.
Wish I remembered that three years ago when I told God I was done.
At a Point of No Return?
For a solid year after finishing the book, I worked relentlessly to get it to the marketplace. Finally... after so much struggle... I decided I was done.
Every opportunity that opened up had dried up.
Every piece of funding that showed up, blowed up.
As bad as things were, there was one thing I still knew...
I was not crazy.
I was not losing my mind.
God gave me this.
The ink smeared with my tears as I wrote were my endorsement.
The peace I had about possible repercussions confirmed it.
I never asked for it, but it was what I needed to be free from my past and move into my future.
So why? Why give me a book I can't get published?
I asked the question before but with no response from Heaven this time, I wasn't waiting any more. I was done.
I expected to feel a great weight off my shoulders, but it was the complete opposite. Moments after making my decision, there was a heaviness on me I had never encountered. Not to be spooky-spiritual, but it terrified me. All I could say to myself is,
"What have you done?"
Somewhere You've Never Been nor Ever Want to Be
I will never be able to fully articulate what I felt in the moments and days after. I was somewhere in the spirit I had never been nor ever wanted to be. All I know is it felt like God had left me. Look... being in my feelings about the book was one thing, but God turning his back on me? Not an option.