The Power of a Good Purge

THE 4GIVENESS FACTOR

Two marriages.

Two divorces.

Two.

Holding the second set of divorce papers in hand, I felt like the mailbox I pulled them from. Always getting only to give away with nothing left for myself.

I had recovered from the wounds of the first marriage, found a path of forgiveness where we could co-exist so our son might thrive. Doing what needed to be done for our child gave purpose to our cultivation of peace. But my son was becoming a man. My healing could not be solely on his behalf. This time, I had to focus on me.

"What Am I Supposed to Do With This?"

The wounds were still fresh from my second marriage. In the aftermath, there was a phrase I would repeat to myself almost daily as I wrestled with my new reality:

"This was supposed to be the one!"

The loss of love devastated me, but it wasn't the only loss. I had made sacrifices, gave parts of me I could not get back, poured out to the point of empty. Now, all that remained was this internal heavy-weight fight between me and what I had in mind. With the ringing of the bell, I thought the battle was over only to hear another and be forced back into this cage match.

"God, what am I supposed to do with this?", was also something that stuck with me in that season.

Welcome to my Gethsemane.

A Season of Gethsemane

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” ~Matthew 26:36-38, New International Version

We make lite of the fact that the word "Gethsemane" means pressing until we find ourselves amongst the olive trees,

but we all need a place to purge.