How Do I Still Grind When My Community's Heart is Broken?
It’s been rough these past few weeks to put pen to paper because I don’t want to forget Botham. I don’t want to write as if my city is not in pain. It felt almost disrespectful to talk about fulfilling purpose and getting “grind ready”. Botham was not our native son, but he does represent the best in us - our innocence. His death was an attack on our innocence, on pursuing our best life and loving our great God.
And now… this weekend… Atatiana… at home playing video games with her nephew... slain.
Innocence lost again.
This hurts. How do you push to live your best life when so much life has been lost?
And who do you fight when it’s everywhere?
“Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” Psalm 3:1-2, David as he ran for his life
We’ve seen insane before, but this level is hard to bear. This post almost didn’t happen. God had to remind me that the vision for my life is not separate from His dreams for my community. David answering the call to be king meant new life for Israel, even when he was fighting to survive.
It was his destiny. It was his truth. We all have a truth. I call mine, My Most Woman Truth.
Anything I write, I can do, I can create, I can become, I can bless.
~Phillipa's Most Woman Truth
This is the core of my calling. It is who God made me to be whether the darkness of night creeps in or I feel the SONlight of His love on my skin. I discovered it as I was writing the draft for my book. I named the muddy, messy process “blood on the page” because it forced me to explore pieces of myself and God that I didn’t want to deal with but had to else healing would never come.
My blood on the page got me grind ready –
ready to blog,
ready to publish,
ready to fight,
ready to be healed.
Healing must come for all of us. But like a good book, somethings must first be exposed.
My community is in a season of exposure.
So many have been lost. The murders of Botham and Atatiana at the hands of law enforcement are the newest chapters in a book that seems to go or forever. Before we can learn the lessons from one, here comes another. As a community, our skin has become thin, our tolerance low, and our focus unclear. We don’t hear much about navigating through societal pain while pursuing promise. Most of us act as if they are two separate worlds, spending our time drifting from one to the other depending on
the week,
the day,
the breaking news at 10.
Injustice and joy. Burden and blessing. Struggle and salvation.
But they are not two worlds. They are one world, our world.
One world where an 18-year-old brother of a murdered man can forgive, and a father of a murdered woman can’t forget. It is in this paradox God uses the call on our lives to shed light and to bring hope while crushing us like grapes into fine wine. You can find yourself in His hands or choose to stay of the vine and die robbing the world of the best in you.
The struggle is here. How you get through it is your choice - with God or without Him.
I choose to believe justice can only flow where truth is revealed, so I will continue to live out my truth. I may be weary from what I see, but it will not kill my faith in our future.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side. Psalm 3:5-6
Life is fleeting. No more delay. You have a choice to make.
This is how you fight for your family, for your future, for our community.
YOU CAN DO,
YOU CAN CREATE,
YOU CAN BECOME,
YOU CAN BLESS.
God will us you to heal and reveal. Don't give up on your calling.
It’s time to renew your mind and own your “GOD n Me”. Transform your pain into the fuel needed to fearlessly fulfill the promise. Don’t stop until you get what God has for you and your community.
I’m not.
Languish in grief, or learn the lesson?
The choice is yours, and that’s the truth.
