A Frank Conversation with the Father
Are you fighting to take a leap of faith?
I did.
I know. It’s hard. Trusting God’s plan instead of your logic is more than a notion. It is moving beyond “lip service”, putting your hand to the plow and pushing it forward even on rocky soil.
Your sweat plus God’s promise – it’s a lot to take in.
The following was written in early 2018. It was a season of submission for me unlike any before. God was trying to grow me through the transparency of writing my prayers and despite my stubbornness it worked. I was free to express myself knowing that if there was no one else, I at least had a captive audience in Heaven.
Prayer was, and still is, my safe place to create. My voice in the wilderness.
There would have been no GOD n Me without it.
The struggle is real, but worth it. So is God. I hope my casual, cryptic letter to the Master of the Universe helps you become more comfortable with trusting Christ as you consider your calling.
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Hello, God. It’s 12:38 am on Monday morning. Yesterday was good, but hard. I was in a lot of pain. My face was swollen from the new medication. I put on one of the hounds-tooth hats my sister/friend Janiet gave me as cover. I guess it worked, but it didn’t matter. I was going to church regardless. I wasn’t sure at first, then Pastor sent me a video prayer message. My son, Kenny, laughed when I told him. “I gotta go now. Pastor prayed for me on video. I’m crawling up in there if I have to.”
Sometimes, you don’t know what you’ve been missing until it shows up. I wasn’t looking for prayer, but I was glad to see it when it showed up.
Church was good. The sermon was on obedience. So… how many heavenly hints does that make to get the pen moving on the paper? Too many to count.
I have a new strategy for making it happen: Keep it simple. Living in the “what-if’s” of an unknown future is cluttering my creativity. I’ve got to keep it simple.
So this is for You, Lord, and maybe only for You. If writing is truly my passion, I should be okay with an audience of One. Besides, only You know all the sacrifices I’ve made. You know how I questioned what you told me as I hit every brick wall possible. It was maddening. I questioned you and questioned my sanity to the point where the only options I had left were to pray, cry, or go numb. Finally, I decided to pray. I mean really pray, deeper and harder than I knew I had the capacity.
I was ready, but unfortunately I had run out of words, so I used yours.
Sorry. I had nothing left. I hope you don’t mind.
Is this another lesson in contentment? Funny… you’ve been challenging me to be content, no matter what. It must be working. I can honestly say I’m not only starting to think differently, but feel differently. Even now, as the pain in my body is trying to mess with my head, I am content. Seems the call on my life is ready to take control.
As our guest preacher passionately preached on overflow, something clicked within me. I didn’t want to cry any tears other than tears of joy… not anymore. I could see my jars filling up with oil like the widow woman and her son. Overflow… overflow… overflow. Bills still due… but paid with overflow. Hard decisions ahead… yet covered by overflow.
I’m starting to feel a sufficiency in my jars and in my spirit. It is my open space. Not vast, but just enough.
Besides, I have no more fight left anyway. My hands are up. My heart is open.
I’m following you.
I don’t have to be strong. I only have to be just enough and let you be more than enough.
You are e redefining me. I like it. Thanks.
The old R&B song says, “Joy and Pain are like sunshine and rain”.
Life can be too much for me, and yet with You, I want it all.
Does that make sense? I am so glad you are God. Only You can comprehend what my mind is too finite to express.
I’m going to bed. Thank you for today’s manna. Your grace really is sufficient.
I claim good dreams, no bad dreams, in Jesus’ name.
Goodnight.
